It's All Because of Kurt Hummel
by Lady Shandara
Summary: Kurtofsky, or at least Dave's thoughts about Kurt. Three one-shots for episodes 6, 7 and 8 of season 2  and therefore spoilers for those episodes . Rated M for some strong language. Reviews are appreciated.
1. Because Kurt Hummel

So, here are three one-shots from Dave's point of view, written after episodes 2x06, 2x07 and 2x08. It's really horrible when new events take place so fast that there's constantly the need to add new things. Therefore I gave up on that and just kept these things as separate stories that may or may not follow one another. You can read them as independent stories or as a series. However you read them, if you have time, review, please.

**Why Kurtofsky?** Because Klaine is boring (I like Darren Criss and I think Kurt and Blaine have good flirty friendship chemistry, but nothing more). And because Dave is the kind of gay character whose story needs to be told. Not all gays are like Kurt and Blaine, many of them are like Dave, and if Glee decides to go the route where only the certain type of gay characters can get a happy ending, it'll be sad and it'll give a completely wrong kind of message to the Dave-like gay kids watching the show. And I don't want Kurtofsky right now, because Dave is not ready for a relationship. I want Dave to redeem himself and become the kind of guy who is ready for a relationship with Kurt. Okay, rant over.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Glee. If I did, Blaine would be a lot derpier, Kurt wouldn't be forced to sit in that darned gilded cage, and Dave would certainly get the redemption he so deserves.

First story for episode 2x06, Never Been Kissed. This story is set after the locker room incident, but before the confrontation at the stairs.

…

**Because Kurt Hummel**

Dave Karofsky stormed out the main doors, ignoring the fact that he still had two classes to go to. Fuck the classes. Fuck everything in the school. How the hell could he ever go back there, especially that locker room, after what had happened? No, not happened. What _he'd_ done. _He_. What the fuck was it that he'd actually done? And why?

The 'why' was easy to answer. Because Kurt Hummel, Kurt fucking Hummel, had followed him. Had confronted him. He hadn't expected that. Things like that just didn't happen. You slammed a geek into a locker and they stayed there, thanking God that it was nothing worse. That's how it went. Geeks didn't run after you, come confront you all alone, shout at you. Geeks didn't get so close to you, stare at you, afraid but still not backing down, daring you to hit. Telling you hitting them wouldn't change them. Wouldn't change you. Geeks didn't tell you that you were a scared little boy.

But Hummel had. He'd stormed into the locker room, looking so angry and not scared. A part of Dave had thought that Hummel must've had a fucking death wish. No skinny gay kid in his right mind would rush after a guy much bigger and stronger than him and start shouting. Hummel had proven to be the exception to the fucking rule.

Dave had tried to brush him off, making a few comments about Hummel's gayness. Those kinds of comments came so easily – when you were a jock, you learnt most of this stuff in the locker room fast enough – and he'd expected Hummel to back down. But Hummel hadn't. The whole thing had boiled down to that; Hummel acting completely un-Hummel-like and in turn making Dave act very un-Dave-like.

He'd wanted to punch Hummel. Hummel, who'd stepped closer, shouting about Dave not being able to punch the gay out of him. Dave had felt like he could cry right then, because if what Hummel was saying was true, if you couldn't get rid of the gayness, then what hope there was for him. He'd wanted to punch Hummel, had warned him he would do it, but there seemed to be nothing that could make Hummel stop talking.

And then Hummel had called him extraordinarily ordinary and Dave had snapped, because above anything he wanted to be ordinary, just like the rest of the guys, going on dates with the Cheerios and actually enjoying it, instead of dreaming about guys and waking up with sticky sheets, instead of dreaming of Hummel and waking up disappointed because it had been just a dream. He'd known that he had to shut Hummel up, stop him from saying things that made Dave painfully aware of what he was, something not ordinary, not normal, not _right_. But a small part of him had also thought that maybe Hummel would understand. And so those two thoughts, rushing into his mind as Hummel's words streamed into his ears, had taken control of his muscles and he'd kissed Kurt Hummel.

His hands had caressed Kurt's face, his lips had tasted the other boy's soft lips and, even if he'd tried to stop it, he'd whimpered a little as he'd pulled away, because it had been so good and so right. And Kurt had been staring at him with a horrified look on his face, but that really hadn't registered in Dave's mind, since he'd finally kissed Kurt and everything would be fine and Kurt would understand and he leaned in for a second kiss and…

He wouldn't have believed that there was so much strength in Hummel, but the shove had actually hurt, and then he'd looked at Hummel's face, looked at it properly, and noticed the horrified expression. Hummel had never looked like that before. Even when Hummel had been slushied in the face, thrown into dumpsters or pushed against lockers, he'd only looked annoyed, shocked or maybe just a little bit scared. But never horrified, not like this, like Dave had just attacked him.

Hummel didn't understand. Dave had felt the tears well into his eyes and he'd slammed the locker, the pain in his hands forcing the tears back. He'd rushed out, stormed through the corridors and now he was outside, standing in the parking lot, and he didn't even remember walking there from the main doors. That really didn't fucking matter, did it? He'd kissed Kurt Hummel and by afternoon Hummel would've told the whole school and then… Then everything would be over for Dave.

Because he'd kissed Kurt Hummel. Because Kurt Hummel hadn't backed down. Because Kurt Hummel had told him gayness couldn't be beaten out. Because Kurt Hummel had stood there all angry and beautiful. Because Kurt Hummel…


	2. Conversations With His Smarter Self

Here's the second fic (or part two, if you will). Set after episode 2x07, The Substitute.

...

**Conversations with his smarter self**

_I will kill you._ Seriously, _I will kill you_? What were you thinking? Dave Karofsky slammed the door of his locker close with more force than was really necessary, but the sound didn't do anything to block out all his thoughts, which had decided to gang up on him. Azimio gave him a puzzled look but he ignored it.

"Gotta go, need to be home early today," Dave replied when Azimio asked if they'd go out. the other jock looked surprised, but then nodded and said something starting with "whatever" that Dave wasn't interested in hearing.

_I will kill you_. The words floated around his head as he headed to the parking lot, and he had to stop himself from punching the wall on the way. That was part of the problem, really, his brain, which seemed smarter than usual now that it had decided to keep bugging him, interfered. Your first and only solution to a problem is to punch it. Well, most of the time.

_You're nothing but a scared little boy!_ Oh, great, now the death threat was replaced by Hummel's voice, and it wasn't making things better. Yes, it had been the only time Dave had used something other than his fists to make a problem go away, and look how that had turned out. He'd… He'd kissed Hummel. He'd fucking kissed Kurt fucking Hummel.

Even thinking about it made him flinch. Kissing Hummel, that was… It was wrong, that's what it was. He should've punched the kid, should've sent him crashing to the ground, should've… But how could he punch Kurt Hummel, who was everything he hated but also everything he wanted? Dave wasn't even sure anymore if he wanted Hummel or wanted to be like him. Probably a bit of both.

So the solution is first to kiss him, then to threaten his life. You realize that a death threat is something he could inform to the principal, his brain piped in, and Dave wondered where the word 'inform' had come from. You didn't say stuff like 'inform' instead of 'tell' unless you wanted to be called a geek and get punched in the locker room. But that wasn't important now. What was important was the word 'kill' that he'd hissed at Hummel's face.

He'd had to say it. Hummel had told him that the secret was safe, but he'd already told that pretty boy whose picture was in his locker, so why wouldn't he tell everyone else? Hummel couldn't be trusted.

Couldn't be trusted? Hummel told you that he hadn't told anyone, since he knows what you're going through. And about that 'pretty boy', as you so elegantly put it, is probably the only person Hummel can rely on. You kissed Hummel, he panicked, since he didn't want that, and told his friend. One friend. Can we now get to the part when Hummel tells you he hasn't told anyone else and instead of thanking him, or simply walking away, you decide to threaten his life? Dave's thoughts found their second wind and rushed to pound in his forehead, actually causing him headache.

_I had to_ seemed like the wrong answer, since it was. He'd panicked and the words had flowed out without him thinking about them, but that wasn't any kind of excuse. He knew it because he'd turned to look back as he'd reached the end of the corridor and Hummel had been still standing in the same place and Dave had realized that maybe Hummel really had believed his words. Maybe Hummel really thought that Dave could kill him.

And what really frightened Dave was that he wasn't sure if he really could or couldn't.

You wouldn't. Trust me, you wouldn't, his thoughts tried to sound convincing, but Dave had gotten so good at lying to himself that it was hard to know whether that was the truth. The answer needed to be _I couldn't kill anyone_, but he wasn't certain how he could get there, not when there was the fear wrapping its claws around his heart, tightening its grip every moment. Not when seeing Hummel made him sad, happy and angry at the same time.

I'm not sure it gets better any time soon, his thoughts said, and Dave closed his eyes, fighting back tears. Me neither, he replied.


	3. Why Didn't He Tell Them?

The third one, set during the events of episode 2x09, Furt (after the expulsion, before Dave was allowed back to school).

…

**Why didn't he tell them?**

Why didn't he tell them? Why? Why didn't he tell them, why didn't he tell, why didn't he, whydidnthewhydidnthewhy…

Dave slammed his fist against the wall, the pain forcing him to try to get hold of his thoughts, which had been repeating the same thing over and over again for the past hour.

Why hadn't Kurt told them the truth?

Dave had sat there, in the principal's office, and it had felt like time had slowed down when he'd heard Sue Sylvester ask _the question_. He remembered looking at Kurt, who'd looked back at him, with an expression that Dave couldn't read and _he hadn't told them_. He'd said something about picking on him, but not about Dave kis… about Dave being a… About that time in the locker room.

Dave had been ready for Kurt telling everything, had been feverishly trying to come up with explanations, lies, even wondering whether denying the whole thing would work, but Kurt hadn't told them. Kurt hadn't told them and suddenly Dave didn't know what to think anymore. Getting expelled, sure, he'd heard it and it had registered, somewhere, but it wasn't really important. Nothing was besides Kurt not telling them.

Dave had walked out of the office and he'd looked at Kurt and wanted to shout to him "Why didn't you tell them? Please, tell them!" That thought had scared him and made him confused but now, thinking about it, it made perfect sense. If Kurt had told them that he was… if Kurt had told them, Dave himself wouldn't have to. He wouldn't have to think about what it would be like to stand in front of his father and say: "Dad, I'm… I think that I'm… I'm…"

He'd tried it in front of the mirror one night, when he'd been home alone and slightly drunk from beer that Azimio had stolen from his dad and left in Dave's house for safekeeping, and he hadn't been able to say the word. It was so easy to spit out the word when talking to Azimio or some of his team mates, when shouting it to someone in the opposite team or to someone at school, but saying it alone, about himself… No, suddenly it was impossible, like speaking a foreign language that he'd never heard before.

Dave couldn't say the word, not when it really mattered, but Kurt could. So if Kurt had only told them, then Dave's life as he knew it would have ended but the word would be out there and he'd have to deal with it and with everybody, with everybody knowing and looking at him and _knowing_ but it wouldn't matter because then everybody would know and he would have to face it and he would have to finally admit that he was…

Gay.

A fist to the wall again, but this time it didn't stop the thought from filling his mind.

Gay. Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gaygaygaygaygay.

Third time and there was blood on his knuckles but that took the word away so it was fine and he could think about other stuff, because he certainly wasn't…

Gay.

There was no escaping it.

Why didn't he tell them?


End file.
